I don't know your face no more
Or feel the touch that I adore
I don't know your face no more
It's just a place, I'm looking for

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in a different world
We might as well...

I don't know your thoughts these days
We're strangers in an empty space
I don't understand your heart
It's easier, to be apart

We might as well be strangers in another town
We might as well be living in another time
We might as well...
We might as well be strangers! Be strangers...

For all I know of you now.....
For all I know

I cant sleep for unknown reasons as always... I feel like a big change is coming, a drift if you will, and theres nothing I can do to change it or stop it and I really want to. I just dont understand people sometimes and I guess Ive just never really had to deal with loosing a friend like this oh wait yes I have this is the second time but as much as it hurts I wont beg like I did the last time some people just dont want you in your life and you cant change that I guess I can just say that my life was better for knowing them and hope to get the same respect from them...

at the same time I blame myself for saying this is how I am take it or dont, maybe I need to bend more to other people. Im trying to just go with the flow but this is a lonely one that I cant take. who knew going to school would be the end of me. I guess for this semester just cause my schedule is just so crazy I feel so blah like even when I have time I dont want to do anything and I love all my friends and I miss them but I never want to do what there doing which is stuff that I like to do which makes no sense. Like I always I'm waiting holding to somone who doesn't care about me. victim victim victim I know im not but when im reading this back thats what it sounds like im trying to say haha im not I just miss jade gay as it sounds she was my bestie and I dont wanna beleive that she doesn't miss me too I am so backwards I can bury my brother and I cant get over a girl that called me a cunt haha can I get that on a t-shirt? - angelface

I've been a bad girl
I aint playin' fair
I want you to be free
but I don't wanna share
no I don't wanna let ya go
but it's about time I do
I can't blame ya anymore
and I still love you

I know it aint easy
being left on your own
why did you leave me
well I don't really know
and why wait another day
when a day won't change a thing
please don't ever let me say
that again

mama I aint waiting
I aint waiting
but i'm still holding on

- Devendra Banhart

I really do feel good with how things are right now everything that has happened is fine im really almost over it but i just found theses lyrics and there too funny to not post so here it goes its called ugly girl by fiona apple and i know im not the only one who will enjoy it <3 angel

When I saw you at the grocery store
You were sharin' a shopping cart with her
And I couldn’t turn and run away
I didn’t know what to say

You introduced us for the first time
And I had to look her in the eye
But you could not have imagined my surprise

Can’t you see?
You’re leaving me
For an ugly girl
Does she talk about politics?
And all that stuff that used to makes me sick
Does she smoke cigars and stay up late?
Oh she’s so great

Does she tell you what you want to hear?
And I bet she could grow a beard
I feel better thinking you were queer

It’s not fair
I can’t compare
To an ugly girl
To an ugly girl
Lalalalalala lalalalalalala lalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalala
Lalalalalala

Hahaha, the joke's on me

I feel jealous and I feel mean
She’s so nice
That it makes up for her face
There’s no way, do you have to keep your eyes closed
Do you have to keep the lights down low?
Oh I bet you wish you had a blind fold

Can't you see, you’re leaving me
For an ugly girl
For an ugly girl
She’s an ugly girl
A real ugly girl
Lalalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalala
She’s an ugly girl
An ugly girl

I'd be out of line telling you, "Leave her"
So I lie all lonely surrouded by you

Lately I can't be happy for no one
They think I need some time to myself
I try to smile but I can't remember
I know tomorrow there'll be nothing else

And I
I wanted to be giving you
everything she's not giving
And I
I wanted to see 'cause I didn't believe
what I'd been hearing - Michelle Branch

I'm in class at the moment hungover from another night of drinking and bombs and I ponder, can I ever really get serious?

I feel like ive been serious for awhile ya know did the whole grew up fast excuse so I wouldnt feel bad about partying but now its kinda like ok when can i stop and just get serious? not that going to the bar makes me feel bad it makes other people feel bad so in a sense i feel as though im letting everyone else down but in reality im pretty much the only person who feels let down so im letting myself down and i just took this whole entry in a big circle because i am certifibly insane, but I write so that maybe i can read this over later and make myself do some homework ya know like actually care about school and whatnot that would be cool. - angel

P.S. I'm pimp of the year 2009 & It's only January.

Happy New Year!! or in my case random new year. Who knows why you run into to people from your past at certain times, but they helped the shit outta me so I guess I can be greatful for that.

So they say the way you spend New Years is the way you'll spend the rest of the year well I missed the countdown and didnt even realize it was over til it was so what does that say about me haha. anywho just a quick update to show that im okay cause my last entry makes me sound like satan but i guess thats the awesomeness of the lj. - angel

It's funny this whole time I've been trying to find something to believe in when ironically my cynical self knew it all along...I dont beleive in anything.

I can't sleep and thats never good, my mind is a scary place but thats another story. Everytime I closed my eyes I got horrible flashes of Brian being in the hospital and being in pain and I just started to breakdown, cause it was like at the funeral everyone says he's not in any pain now...really?? cause what do you tell someone who doesnt believe in anything. Like... Heaven...are you sure? sometimes i think as long as other people believe maybe it makes it ok but im just not sure about anything anymore and if hes not in pain like idk it just doesnt make sense ever.

bullshit everything happens for a reason, whoever made up that quote is the one person id like to find and kill and when i hear people say it i wanna punch them as well its the biggest load of shit.

and the most fucked up thing about it all is that this whole time ive been blaming my tears on justin... like a boy really thats what your upset about. Justin was a comfort a luxury if you will. He was there when everything went down and he took care of me and when he realized how crazy i was he routed and now thinks im just an awful alcoholic.

I used to believe in him though, and in love, in friends, and in heaven and now I dont believe in anything. especially that my brother is in heaven and happy, im sorry but I need a sign to tell me that he's happy being 32 and not on earth. God is a sham Heaven is a sham and if you believe im jealous of you cause i just dont have the energy to believe in things that let me down anymore and it makes me cynical and im fine with it.

I feel like a double edged sword as well if people are hopeful it makes them look innocent or immature and if your cynical your mean and immature. so maybe we should just go through life letting other people make our choices so that way we could have a healthy little balance, but then that would be wrong too.

At the end of everyday life doesn't make sense and realizing all this actually made me happy and as corny as it sounds I plan to make the new year a new me as well and finally put justin and believing in my past.

Today would've been my brother Brian's 31st birthday. for some reason I had to write this because I couldn't find it in me to say it aloud all day. I wanted to tell people, but I feel like once you say things out loud that makes them real, even though I know its real it has been for 2 years now idk i think thats right my years get mixed up after 2006 and I'm not even sure if he wouldve been 31 it mite 30 or 32 my dad said 32 but im pretty sure thats not right it doesnt matter im an idiot and I sound like an ass for not knowing but usually I just let this day go by as any other and I really only get up set on holidays like thanksgiving which was such a treat.

It's really such a bullshit holiday to begin with but it was really bad this year. Cause i realized i only ever got excited about that day cause we got to see Brian i got to hangout with him and Jimmy and I just felt like im a dork but the coolest person ever. My brothers are pretty much the coolest people ive ever known and i sound like a fuckin nsync groupie but i seriously used to get so jazzed when i got hangout with them. Anyway i cried on thanksgiving we ate dinner super early then everybody went to sleep and went into my room and cried cause i miss brian so much if he was there, there wouldve been games and fun and instead there were tears. I'm such an emo kid but whatever atleast now I get to look forward to Christmas.- angel

it's a desperate plea and this I know but
please don't love her, til I can let you go.

had to post this because it's pretty much my daily routine but apparently, according to my horoscope, It's just for the day.

Virgo:
Realize that your inner state of mind is quite apparent to people just by the look on your face, angel. Don't think you can hide things from others, especially today. You are better off just saying how you feel, even if you think someone may be put off by it. Your emotional state should be strong, so use this to your advantage.

Oh yea did I mention my horoscope is personalized because I get it sent to me daily. just in case in you were wondering why it says my name. -- angel

Music - None
Mood - Tired
-

It's not enough to say that I miss you. ♥

Dude phillies in the world series holla at me !!!
Tonight could be the end its crazy but first i must watch gossip girl cause i have a sad obsession.

Anywho i havent updated in awhile and so much has changed, which is ironic cause im somone who hates change yet thats all that seems to happen anymore. I feel icky at the moment another rut i suppose im pretty good at them. Idk school is blah work is blaher and I go out and I have fun and i drink and what not but somethings missing I dont feel right i feel empty.....I'm missing something....someone. Which is pretty gay.

I do love posting my feelings all over the internet though, it makes me feel somewhat better cause i can dress them up with catchy titles and icons to accompany my entry.


I've always had a really good memory which is one of my faults if you ask me. I can't just forget people i want to forget. I'm so weak that i laugh at the fact that I'm a mess, like it's getting old pull yourself together right? I don't get how other people get to fuck with you, like all my life thats what its been and I just let them. Idk how to recover from anything I just really am " the kind of kid that can't let anything go." atleast I have my movies and tv shows and emo qouotes to get me through the day. haha ----- angel

mood- sick

uncle jacob - while I miss you

im in school and i pretty much am falling asleep. school all year round is soo not what the cool kids are doing these days lol

im so sick of being responsible its really annoying and not fun. i have 5 days of work this week and four days of school that gives me about 0 time for angel and when i am home im sleeping. i have no life. but then it's like oh it'll all pay off in the end and i know that but im having a tough time getting through it, and my obsessing with a certain top gun member (lol tawn)doesnt help in the battle to keep me sane either. its all on me though like i have the power to control and to stop it, i just dont have the energy to do it. im to emotionally handicapped ohh i like that thats def a keeper.

I have work tonight that should be awesome. its a actually a sks graduation dance so i could see some of my old teachers so that could be cool. if i could go back to anywhere it would so be six grade. it was like the best grade i would actually go back to any grade during gradeshcool i liked it so much better than highschool. anywho i guess ill go...angel

sounds - silence
mood- sleepy

so how sad is this, i go on facebook a lot at school cause it works better there and i was feeling pretty shitty i had like a meltdown last night i think im certifibly insane but anyway i took a quiz on there to see who i was in my past and mine came out as marilyn monroe!! it made my day, its kinda sad but it is the little things that make me happy lol

so gossip girl and one tree hill season finales last night were a-mazing one tree hill wasnt as good cause it was like huge cliff hanger city but i like gossip better anyway im obsessed with it actually its really sad lol

so my meltdown its the same thing that always happens and its getting really old just blah im lonely and stressed mainly it all boils down to school and the fact that its major hard right now and i didnt expect it to be plus im not used to this school all year round and everyone else is off and im pretty much in party mode yea im cool. i really need to get my shit together and focus on school and stop laying around watching soap net. i wish i had someone to like come over and slap me and be like do something with yourself. it doesnt help that im home alone all the time cause then i just wallow in self pity and bitch bitch bitch bitch!!!im really good at it though. and oddly enough i blame all my problems on justin and then i talk to him about them and he some how manages to fix them its really weird and it sux it makes me love him more which sux and sux and sux some more, anyone have a life for sale that doesnt involve court reporting school or guido's restraunt? cause im totally up for trading....-angel

mood - thirsty

tv - the oc

I'm thinking about throwing my cat a birthday party, i think its just another excuse for me to throw a party but it could be cool lol

So my break is already almost over its all been leading up to the paramore/jimmy eat world concert friday at the taj mahal in atlantic city, im pretty excited idk what to wear though i never know what to wear for concerts. I thought my school schedule for summer was gonna be sweet but now apprently im gonna have like four classes and there not cool idk lol ill find out tomrow. this was a pointless update but i needed one toodles, angel

mood - weird

ingrid michaelson - masochist

It's kinda sad when you need your horoscope to convince your worth something lol woe is me

As a Virgo, you may have a tendency to apologize for the fact you even exist, as if there was really no good reason for to have been born! Yet, often a little dose of spirituality could make you think twice about that. There is a certain astrological philosophy that says that if you are here in the world among us, it's because the world needs you. It's a good day to think about this idea.

Mood - Pathetic

Tv - One Tree Hill

It's funny last valentines day i had my first valentine and i wrote an entry then the next time i updated i had broken up with him, granted it was a couple month after that but just ironic i guess.

Anywho this Valentines Day i made a friggin singles profile on one of those online dating things wow pathetic much? there actually a lot of good looking people on there i was surprised and kinda upset. if people that hot cant find a date im shit out of luck. my mom got me earings and a necklace, yea thanx. did i mention she got a credit card in my name and racked up a lot of money and now im in debt? oh i left that out, my bad. she thought i was gonna get her something and i was like um you dont deserve anything. duh! My broseph lol got me a little woodstock stuffie with candies tho so that pretty much made my night.

hmm 8:30 i think ill watch the break-up and eat some more cause that always makes me feel better. or not! i didnt think id be this affected by v-day but its like hitting me hard for some reason i guess im just that girl blah i hate that girl lol <3 Angel

Mood- Apathetic

Maroon 5 -Not Falling Apart

I've had a wart on my hand for like a while now wonder if ill ever actually by something to get rid of it, ill keep ya updated.

Anywho i went out today with my mom and tawny and got a dress for this wedding im going to saturday and im not gonna lie i look smoking lol its brown and i got some boots to go with it. i actually think i look like a street walker but like an exspensive one lol

Nothing excitings going on, im just bored all the time. Im looking forward to the Foo Fighters concert but other than i got nothing. Hopefully ill meet some new people this weekend. I realized that you cant be mad at people for making new friends, well you can when you dont see them as much but eventually they all come back. idk though ill always be mad im just an angry kinda gal. thats it this is boring sorry if you read it lol <3 angel

Mood - optimistic

Jim Sturgess - All my loving

that line somehow always stands true. even though that song i dont really feel means what that one line says its still a great line...this is just one thing i did not see coming.

its weird i mean coming from me im a complete movie whore idk how many times ive watched a knight's tale or ten things i hate about you and its like i dont know any of the people in any of the movies i watch but when i heard heath ledger died i wanted to cry like he was my friend. its just weird how people can affect your life and you may never even meet them.

R.I.P. Heath Ledger 1979-2008 <3

mood - tired

watching - the gauntlet